antsy pants.

Do you ever think about what happens after some of the stories in the Bible?  I think about that….a lot.  I wonder how the individuals who encountered God felt after their experiences, or what questions people had after God commanded them to take action.  Did they ever doubt? Or curse? Or question their circumstances?  I compare my imagined responses with those of some of the more famous figures in the biblical text (Mary, Joseph, Abraham), and I’ll be honest ~ my envisioned reply is never as faith-filled or void of questions.  Sometimes we’re given a taste of insight into the inner minds of those who were called specifically by and for God’s purposes.  But it’s never enough for me.  When I encounter God, my mind is RACING.

Lately I’ve been thinking about Moses and his 40-year quest in the desert.  How did he continue persevering when God seemed all but absent in His ultimate plan?  I would have failed miserably had I been in Moses’ shoes.  I’m the type who, when I feel God has given me direction or affirmed a desire I have been seeking His guidance and provision upon I want immediate action.  Ok, God, you’ve given the green light ~ now let’s see things fall into place!  40-years of waiting?  No thank you!

Yes, I am your classic antsy pants.  Sure, I’ll take forever to make a decision, but once the decision’s been made, I want to see changes occur immediately.  Somehow that doesn’t seem to fit with God’s orchestration of my master plan.  And so I wonder…what was going through Moses’ mind when the Promised Land was merely some foreign, far-off mystery destination that God pledged to provide ~ but not within the security of a specific time frame?

It makes me think faith doesn’t have an end point.  And yet ~ if I take even just a momentary glance at how I walk with God, the truth is I live like it does.  I have constant expectations of fulfillment.  When I am reminded of God’s promise to provide I want the provisions immediately.  The thought of having to wait ~ and the accompanying emotions and obstacles I instantly anticipate ~ scares the *bleep* out of me.  And I wonder if Moses was scared too.  I know he was angry.  His anger was what got him in trouble and prevented him from seeing the ultimate fulfillment of God’s plan.  Couldn’t God have just allowed him an infinitesimal glimpse of the end result?  Just a tiny taste of the final execution?   But then I think, how would I respond if I did have a glimpse at the outcome ~ the bigger picture?  Do you really think Moses would have continued forward if he knew that his lot in life would be to never even set foot in the Promised Land?  That he would fail miserably at following in faith when it came down to the final hour?  Ummm…I’m gonna go with no.  So, that leaves when wondering.  Perhaps the lack of immediate clarity is actually a gift from God.  Instead of being antsy I should work on being grateful that I don’t have to bear the burden of seeing the how my journey will unfold until I’m absolutely ready for what I will encounter on the next step.

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2 Responses to antsy pants.

  1. Elaina says:

    This is just what I needed today. I have felt as if I have been walking in the desert for a while. Sometimes I feel alone in a crowded room. I know what I need to do, but struggle. I know if I’m obedient to God’s plan for me ‘just for today’ I will receive His promise of being ‘happy, joyous and free’ as I travel this road. My fear is that I would take for granted the promise and expect it. It is in the journey where bits and pieces of His promise have been revealed to me in ways I never would have expected. If I had not been obedient, if I had not fully relied on God during my struggles, if I had chosen what I wanted as my blessing, I would have sold God short of what he is capable of doing for me. Today I still struggle, but I know that He is capable of doing for me that which I cannot do for myself and that is where my strength and hope comes from. Which is why I put my Hope in him. I have ‘tools’ to use, and I used them today. I prayed about it and I called a friend. Talking through this has helped cut my burden in half. I got it out of my head and was able to replace those thoughts with peace and gratitude. I no longer feeling like I’m in the desert today. Thanks!

  2. James says:

    I like this dlog today and like to think of those same things behind the scenes as it were. We do have a glimpse of someone who really struggled with God’s plan. In fact there are two that come to mind. The first is Elijah who when he was being chased by Jezebel wanted to die and felt all alone and was the only one out there doing for God. God didn’t chide him on his attitude or negative thoughts, but took care of his most immediate needs. The second person is Habbakuk who is questioning why God is causing so much pain and death. The walk by faith is a day to day experience and gives us just what we need for today. Thanks for your rich insights.

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